TERESA MERKLIN

The temporary shutdown of tennis drills in my area due to COVID-19 provided a rare window to get some things off my chest that have been bugging me about certain behaviors that frequently occur at live-ball drills.  It was a limited-time opportunity to comment publicly with a low probability of people recognizing themselves and taking exception.

I love live-ball drills.  It is a wonderful tennis-engagement innovation that doesn’t have a universally accepted definition. To me, a good live-ball drill is one where the primary emphasis is on feeding a lot of balls and keeping the players moving.  Participants should have no expectation of tennis instruction.  It is not a lesson.

In an effective live-ball drill, a grocery-sized basket of balls will be exhausted over the course of each drill segment. Eventually, it becomes time to pick ’em up. This is where all players are supposed to pitch in to get the balls back in the basket as quickly as possible so the next round can begin.

I am wired to automatically pick up the balls.  In fact, I have been known to step in and pick up balls in situations where I am not even in the drill, hitting off the ball machine, or taking the lesson. Consequently, I get super annoyed when people who are actually supposed to pick up the balls… don’t.

I have given up on changing the world.  After accepting that I can’t beat’em, I resolved to join ’em.  This is what brings me to enumerate the strategies that can be used to pick up balls never again at a tennis drill.  I have learned from some of the best in this business.

THE STRATEGIES

Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate. I mean who can argue with a player who heads straight to the water cooler rather than the ball hopper? If challenged on this, the player will respond with self-righteous indignation that it is very important to stay hydrated when playing tennis. Coincidently, this is also the person who steps up to be first in line for the ball feed when all the other players are getting water.

The Big Wig. This player is so busy that she has to conduct business on her mobile while the rest of the drill players are picking up the balls.  I mean each and every one of those calls is important.  We are lucky that she has graced us with her presence at all.

The Straw that Stirs the Drink. This player participates in the process without ever picking up a ball. This is accomplished by helpfully knocking the balls around to the corners and the net where other players are expected to pick them up.  If he finds a corner with a lot of balls and no one to pick them up, he will helpfully tap all those balls in the direction of the basket or another corner.

The Endless Rally. It is pretty common for the tennis professional who is feeding the drill to announce when the last ball is in play.  The players on both sides of the net conspire to keep the ball in play cooperatively until all the other players in the drill have effectively completed the ball pickup. This is… actually a legitimate practice as long as play doesn’t devolve into short court.

Serve ’em Up. This player picks up the ball on one side of the court and delivers it to the basket end by serving a ball to the opposite end.  Hey--that ball has to get down there somehow, and that is undeniably the fastest method. The fact that the ball scuds wildly through packs of players balancing a pyramid of balls on their racquets is someone else’s problem.

The Court Jester. This player picks up a few balls, but only for the purpose of entertaining themselves and others. The balls that are picked up are for performing tricks or playing games. Examples of tricks are juggling and taking long-range NBA-style shots in the general direction of the basket.  A notable example of a game that is played in my circles is “junk ball”.  That game involves two guys taking turns trying to hit each other in the… well, junk… with a tennis ball.  I am not making this up--these are grown men.  (OK, these guys may recognize themselves.)

The Instructable. A live-ball drill is not a tennis lesson, but this doesn’t stop the player from engaging the pro during the pickup attempting to garner that benefit.  It is OK to ask for feedback here and there, especially if good observations are followed up with booking a lesson to work on the recommendations.  It is not OK for that conversation to extend across the entirety of each and every ball pickup span.

The Social Butterfly. This is a variation of The Instructable except the target of this player’s discussion is other players.  This player will shadow the other players who are picking up balls, but the primary objective is conversation. The topics might be tennis related but could include almost anything.

The Bathroom Break. I empathize with this one.  As a senior tennis player, I fully appreciate that when you gotta go, you gotta go. Eventually, all players are likely to experience this need in the middle of a drill from time to time.  On the other hand, when this break comes at the first stoppage of play on a regular basis, perhaps there is an opportunity to arrive at the tennis facility in time to take care of business prior to the start of the drill.

The Infirmary. This player is too injured to pick up balls but is somehow always ready to step up to the line for the next round of drills.  The ball pickup breaks for this player are consumed with stretching, massaging, and retaping.  Alternatively the player may just need to sit down for a few minutes.  It’s interesting how the resumption of the live-ball drill has magical healing qualities.

Gotta Leave Early. This is a technique that works well, but only at the end of the drill. When the final ball pickup is announced, this player immediately departs since she has somewhere else to be.  This leaves the remaining players to pick up their share of the balls. The only acceptable way to leave a drill early is if it is timed such that the departing player picks up a racquet face of balls on their way out.

I would love to hear of other ball-shagging shirking strategies I may have missed.

Teresa is an engineer with a sense of humor who writes a tennis blog which you can read at: https://www.fiendatcourt.com/